Thursday, December 11, 2003

Saddam Hussein Caught

Holy shit, they caught the Iraqi Unabomber AKA Saddam Hussein!!!

When someone says "the crack of dawn," I almost always think of the same exact thing. This guy I saw once: He was seated high up on a tall brick wall that lined the staircase leading into the University of Maryland Armory building, and was reading a newspaper. He was pudgy, and was wearing a shirt that was chosen somewhat optimistically with regards to size.

He was seated facing the armory; his unbelted pants were riding low, so low, so strategically low, and he was seated at such an acute angle, that people walking around the building below him were treated to the inescapeable sight of his completely bare ass. It was glorious. He was technically "wearing" pants, so you couldn't say he was guilty of indecent exposure, and nobody was going to just walk up to him and say "dude, your ass. It's not in your pants anymore, and people are grossed out." There was no way in hell I was going to ruin what was one of the best unintentional mass-moonings i'd ever seen, even if i was dying to know if he was doing it on purpose. Best to just let things run their natural course.

Anyway, THAT is precisely the "crack of dawn" that K called me up at this morning, just to fucking tell me that they pinched Saddam Hussein. I didn't bother putting on my glasses before heading over to the computer; and to be honest, when i went to, and that raggety-assed picture of Saddam popped up, I wasn't sure what the hell i was looking at. At first I'm thinking "ohh, poor Tommy Chong." Then, squinting, I'm trying to see if the word "Kaszinsky" is anywhere on the page. Finally, face pressed against the screen, i see that it's actually Saddam Hussein, Evildoer.

Man, he's all banged up. He looks like he spent the last 30 drinking MadDog 20/20 and sleeping in Rock Creek Park, and he deserves to feel as shitty as he looks. It's good that he's finally caught; it's at least a symbolic victory that might resonate to some of the remaining loyalist resistance, if not a logistical one (from that photo, it's hard to conceive of Saddam masterminding Operation Wash My Face With A Rag, never mind the Ba'ath insurgency). I guess it's something we should feel at least a little bit good about; even if the guy who actually did kill thousands of americans two years ago is still out there.

But if there is one thing we should all be rejoicing about tonight, it's that President Bush, having bagged his first ever Super-Villain, can finally join the Justice League of America. Maybe Wonder Woman will let him to borrow her invisible jet to do one of his fancy-pantsed "Mission Accomplished" aircraft carrier landings. That'd be awesome.